No Scars, No Stories

Everybody has their share of battle scars... but as a friend once told me "No Scars, No Stories". Scars say that you have taken risks, that you have gone to battle and that you have lived to tell the story. And let me tell ya, I've got a lot of scars. And each one has a pretty good story behind it.

There's the physical scars, the ones you can see... Like the one on my lip from where my sister cracked me in the face with a Tupperware cup (who knew water fights could be so dangerous), or the ones on my knees from years of playing rugby at Fuller's Farm (all those years of picking gravel out Saturday after Saturday).

Then there's the scars to the ego. This is when I throw caution to the wind and just dive in without thinking. I get caught up in moments and go against my better judgment. Kind of like the time I let peer pressure get to me and took that KTM 525 out for a "spin", but ended up in a well and flying over the handlebars ala Superman style. I KNEW it wasn't a good idea, but goddammit if I didn't need to show that I could hang with the boys in the Baja.

And finally there's the scars of the soul... these are a lot harder to heal. My problem is, I don't really let them fully heal before diving in again. I know that the only way I've ever "moved on" is by jumping in to something else... whether it was when I tried to quit rugby and got into triathlons or moving from one relationship to the next. I never let my heart heal, instead, I just pre-occupy myself with something (or someone) else. And if there isn't something to distract me, I pine and dream and reminisce about the "good ole days"... hell, who am I kidding, even when there IS a viable distraction, I still find myself comparing and sizing it up, which is why I am still playing rugby and why I still haven't let go of this last chapter.

Distraction is such a great way to convince yourself that your okay. Ignore the problem and it doesn't exist, right? Get attention from someone else so they can tell you that you're still worthy, still good enough, still a hot commodity. But, shouldn't you already know that without someone having to tell you? Easier said then done. So this time, I think I'm going to work on getting my ego satisfaction on my own. I'm going to try not to jump into anything else until I am REALLY, REALLY ready, not because I'm being pursued. I get to decide when the time is right. Maybe then I'll stop ending up with the cheaters and the liars and the attention whores who will always be looking for greener grass on the other side.

"And today, you know that's good enough for me. Breathing in and out is a blessing, can't you see? Today is the first day of the rest of my life and I'm alive and well."




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tex0U7qS7h4