Why I Do What I Do.

TWO BLOGS IN ONE DAY!!! WHOA! But putting together the pictures for that last blog really got me thinking...

Have you ever sat back and wondered about what motivates you? As in - why do you do the things you do? I'm not even sure that makes sense (I'm having a hard time putting this into words), but I've been thinking a lot about why I live my life the way I do. I mean, don't get me wrong, I really, really like my life -- I just wonder why I feel the constant need to be on the go all the time.

If you haven't figured out from my blogging, I am a chronic over-thinker. It has plagued me since I was a child. I worry about every little thing - Did I do a good enough job? Are they going to like me? How am I going to pay my bills? What am I going to do about this job that makes me want to cry? Did I say too much? Am I a hypocrite? Who's going to love me if I'm this crazy?

Well, you get the picture... so one of things I've developed over time, is the image that I'm a free spirit, that I fly by the seat of my pants and that things roll off my shoulder. But the reality of the situation is quite the opposite. I stress.

And that's why I think I keep going... if I keep moving and surround myself with things to distract me, it doesn't allow me the time to stress as much. I can't really worry about how I'm going to pay rent when I'm being amazed by a beautiful sunrise coming up over the mountains... nor do I have to acknowledge how much I'm missing my nephews if I don't get home until bed time every night... and I don't have the time to think about how lonely I am when I'm trying real hard not to fall off a cliff.

So, I keep my life packed from the moment I wake up until I pass out every night. Because if I'm not exhausted, I won't fall asleep. Too many night, I stay awake tossing and turning and replaying events from the day. So, I wait until I can't keep my eyes open, so I don't lay in bed thinking about how I could have done handled a situation better or about everything I need to get done in the upcoming days or why I push so many people out of my life, only to regret it later.

But, whatever the reason why... I do know that I LOVE those sunrises and I love playing rugby and I love hiking and I love the adventures and I love being impulsive. So, regardless of WHY I do it, I know that I am getting the most out of this life. And when I'm old and I'm telling my grandchildren stories about my life, they might think that grandma lived a really good life. And maybe, just maybe, it'll inspire them to go out and explore and live their life to the fullest.