Everything happens for a reason, right? Out of darkness comes light. Rollercoasters' got to roll to the bottom if you want to climb to the top again. I'm trying to keep my chin up and just take each experience as an opportunity to grow. But fuck, enough already. I've learned enough lessons in the past year to get me through a lifetime.
I got hit today with another friend whose life was ended too soon. Another great soul who made everyone around him laugh. A real charismatic man that had an amazing zest for life.
So, of course, this makes me start thinking about all the important people in my life. And it also makes me think about who I'm choosing to hold near to me and why. Why are there people still in my life, close to my heart, who I know are going to hurt me? Am I sucker for pain? Deep down, do I enjoy the misery as much as they do? I want to think its because I have faith in them. I believe so much that they are better than they give them self credit. I want to think that I am the exception, not the rule. I want to be the special one.
But maybe I need to get my heads out of the clouds and accept it for what it is. Listen to what my head is saying and not my heart. Stop letting my heart lead me astray. I actually did this for the last couple months. I kept myself emotionally detached. I was able to keep my head and heart separate. So why now am I falling back into that trap of feeling too much again? Time to refocus, shove my heart down and let my head do all the thinking.
I'm sick of feeling hurt. I'm sick of feeling loss. I'm sick of being disappointed. And I am the only one that can change what I allow to hurt me.
Hardwater.
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