Gettin out of here!

Its Baja time again - back to the 1000. No Ironman riders this time, but good times will still be had. And let me tell you, this getaway could not have come at a better time. I am sooooo ready to get the heck out of here and leave it all behind me.

I've decided that a new outlook on life is in need. I need to rethink the way I've been going about things and consider other options. I recently learned that I am too strong willed. That my independence is intimidating. That I don't let people in enough and in the end, I just push them away. Hmmmm... maybe. Maybe I need to learn to be a little less opinionated and little more conforming. Maybe I need to learn to keep my mouth shut, smile and nod.

What defines you as a person? How do you become the person you are today? Recently, as in the past few years, I've been trying to redefine myself. Not "change" who I am per say, but break out the mold that has pigeon-holed me for so long. I've been known as stubborn, outspoken and "passionate". I think the last one is my favorite. That's what people call me when they're trying to be nice. Because we all know that "passionate" just means hot-headed. This is all true. I'll be the first to admit.

I don't like the way some people have defined me. I think they only see one side of me and therefore, they have made up their mind about who I am. But, that's only because I really don't want to let people see the softer side. SHOCKING, but there is a softer side inside this outspoken person. You just have to stick around long enough to see it.

Why would I just let you in without you proving to me that you're worth it? I've had too many people come and go in my life to know better than to just let you walk right on in. So, when you say you don't know me, thats because I don't want you to know me. I don't want you to see beyond the tough exterior I put out. You don't deserve it.

Does that sound a little angry? Sure it does. Do I care? Not really. That doesn't mean I don't care about YOU, it just means you're going to have to be a pretty outstanding person to see who I am behind the wall. So, go on thinking that I'll kick your ass if you step out of line (even though I've never been in a fight) and go on thinking that I'm too strong-willed (even though my tenacity is usually aimed at protecting YOUR rights) and please, please think that I'm too independent (even though I've been taking care of myself since well before any of you could even imagine).

I can be better person (EVERY ONE can be a better person) and I can learn to think a little more before I react. I like me, but that doesn't mean I'm not willing to take a step back and improve on me. But, do you get to critique me? Only if you really know me.