I Hope You Dance...

I dance. I love to dance. For as much as I dwell on the bad decisions I have made in my life and for as many blogs as I have written about wishing I had more, I still dance. I think I have focused too much lately on the down-side to being spontaneous. Yes, I eat too much and I buy things I can't afford and I fall in love with the wrong people... but look at all the amazing things its also allowed me to do. You see, that impulsive side has also led me on some of the most incredible adventures and experiences of my life.

The crazy thing is, I didn't used to be so "in-the-moment". I used to fill out my check book with every entry, down to the penny and have spreadsheets for every thing going on in my life. When I was younger, I was afraid to take those risks that lead to epic moments in our lives. I was afraid to step outside of the box and challenge the norm. I went along with the popular crowd and did what was expected of me. When you graduate from high school, you're supposed to go to college, then you finish college and your supposed to get a job, find a husband and get married. So, I did that. But I was just going through the motions. I didn't know what I actually wanted in life. I had no idea who I was.

I wish I knew when it changed, but somewhere along I wanted more out of my life. I can't tell you the defining moment that I went from anal to spontaneous, but regardless of when/where it happened, I think its always been in me. Unfortunately, in order to find myself, I hurt someone along the way. I never meant to leave, but I wasn't being true to myself. So, I had to do what was right for me. I wish I would have taken a closer look at myself when I was younger, then I could have seen that things weren't right for me, but that's all a part of living and growing up. With impulse comes a little selfishness. I know that about myself... and I'm definitely working on fixing that.

So now I take advantage of every opportunity that's presented to me. I go at things 100% and I try not to look back. For all the bad decisions I've made in my life, there have always been positives that came out of it. I think that's the one thing that has always been a steady about me -- I go at things 100%. I make the most out of shitty situations. I see the bright side to things and I laugh things off.

And now look at where I am now - I am living in Arizona, single, coaching (not playing) rugby, making some amazing new friends who take me on some badass adventures, and I'm the happiest I have been in YEARS. I've weeded out people in my life who are not good for me and found the ones that really matter the most. I'm not afraid to make a fool out of myself (clearly). And everday, I dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.