It's going to be okay...

What a week! Nothing like jumping straight in, head first... I don't know if I can really describe how hectic the past 8 days have been. From driving 1500 miles over the weekend, to working 55-60 hours (on top of the 1.5 hour commute), to cramming my brain full of dozens of new computer applications that I have to be a master in by Monday. I felt completely over my head.

But, as I looked around me, I realized I was not alone (maybe I was alone in the 1500 mile drive part, but definitely not alone in the "I think my head is going to explode" part). All of my co-workers are in the same boat. We're all a little glossy-eyed and feeling like our brains cannot take in one more ounce of information. Monday to Thursday was spent in training the entire time. By the end of the day Thursday, we all left feeling so overwhelmed and thinking there was no way I would be ready for my students on Friday...

I don't know the last time I've been this nervous about starting a job - I think its because I know I'm not the smartest when it comes to math (or science... long story, but it looks like I might have to teach a biology class too - WTF!?!!) and so I'm scared shitless about having to teach to the Arizona Standards test. If they fail this test, its because I failed them. They can't graduate without passing this test and so it all falls on my shoulders to make sure they learn this. Talk about pressure.

You know what, though? The best thing about teaching is the kids... that sounds cheesy, but they have an incredible way of making you forget about all the stress, the headaches, the problems of life. Of course, some of the headaches are self-induced, like spilling half your coffee down the back of your pants on your drive into work, or leaving your keys in your room in between class periods and thus locking yourself out of your room. Its real fun to have your kids ask you if you sharted yourself... great way to start off the new school year, right?

It actually is pretty appropriate for me... things never go the way they're planned. But, I think the thing I like most about myself is that I can roll with the punches. I laugh at myself when I do stupid things, I can pretend that nothing bothers me and I can make the best out of a bad situation. So, when the kids walked in Friday morning, I cracked a few jokes about myself, they all got a good laugh and just like that, the ice was broken.

And that's when I knew it was all going to be okay. I'm still in over my head, I still am scared to fail them, and I still have no clue what the hell half these computer programs are. But today, when the kids left and I overheard a few of them say that were excited for my class, it all felt right again. I am still a good teacher, I just have to work a little harder at it this year.