It's going to be okay...

What a week! Nothing like jumping straight in, head first... I don't know if I can really describe how hectic the past 8 days have been. From driving 1500 miles over the weekend, to working 55-60 hours (on top of the 1.5 hour commute), to cramming my brain full of dozens of new computer applications that I have to be a master in by Monday. I felt completely over my head.

But, as I looked around me, I realized I was not alone (maybe I was alone in the 1500 mile drive part, but definitely not alone in the "I think my head is going to explode" part). All of my co-workers are in the same boat. We're all a little glossy-eyed and feeling like our brains cannot take in one more ounce of information. Monday to Thursday was spent in training the entire time. By the end of the day Thursday, we all left feeling so overwhelmed and thinking there was no way I would be ready for my students on Friday...

I don't know the last time I've been this nervous about starting a job - I think its because I know I'm not the smartest when it comes to math (or science... long story, but it looks like I might have to teach a biology class too - WTF!?!!) and so I'm scared shitless about having to teach to the Arizona Standards test. If they fail this test, its because I failed them. They can't graduate without passing this test and so it all falls on my shoulders to make sure they learn this. Talk about pressure.

You know what, though? The best thing about teaching is the kids... that sounds cheesy, but they have an incredible way of making you forget about all the stress, the headaches, the problems of life. Of course, some of the headaches are self-induced, like spilling half your coffee down the back of your pants on your drive into work, or leaving your keys in your room in between class periods and thus locking yourself out of your room. Its real fun to have your kids ask you if you sharted yourself... great way to start off the new school year, right?

It actually is pretty appropriate for me... things never go the way they're planned. But, I think the thing I like most about myself is that I can roll with the punches. I laugh at myself when I do stupid things, I can pretend that nothing bothers me and I can make the best out of a bad situation. So, when the kids walked in Friday morning, I cracked a few jokes about myself, they all got a good laugh and just like that, the ice was broken.

And that's when I knew it was all going to be okay. I'm still in over my head, I still am scared to fail them, and I still have no clue what the hell half these computer programs are. But today, when the kids left and I overheard a few of them say that were excited for my class, it all felt right again. I am still a good teacher, I just have to work a little harder at it this year.

Arizona Life - Chapter I

Its kind of surreal to think that 34 years of my life fits in to a 5'x8'x4' box. True to form, I flew to Portland on Wednesday night, packed on Thursday and was on the road Friday morning. Also in total Fuji fashion, I stopped off in Long Beach to play some 7's rugby on Saturday. I thought my butt could use the rest and my legs could use a little run. And as I arrived into Phoenix Saturday night, there were fireworks going off, which I totally know were for my benefit... Phoenix was welcoming me :)

Right now, my entire life is sitting in the parking lot outside Suda's condo, waiting to be unpacked and set up in my new home. So, it still sort of feels like I'm on vacation. But, I'm sure that will go away when my alarm goes off tomorrow morning at 4:30 am... Suda and I have a 60 minute run to get in before I get ready for work. And then I report to my first day as a Math teacher. I'm scared to death to be teaching math - talk about a fish out of water. But, I think most of the math department will be going through a few growing pains because of the new computer based system.

Chatty gave me his Algebra I book (Teacher's Edition - Thank GOD!), so I have a bit of studying to do this week before I have to actually start teaching. The good thing about the first week of school, you don't really teach. You let the kids get to know you and you lay down the law. That means I actually have 2 weeks before I really have to know anything about Algebra.

Anyway, the reality of everything is starting to set in. I really did just move 1500 miles and I really do start a new job on Monday. I'm excited about the next chapter in my life while still having my friends and family in Oregon supporting me 100% along the way. I left so fast, that there was no time for tears and no time for long goodbyes. I like it that way.

Epiphanies on the road

This week I rode my motorcycle from Portland to Phoenix in 3 days. Day 1 consisted of an 800 mile ride from Portland to Park City, UT. After that, it was just two "easy" 400 mile days. I rode through the Columbia River Gorge, the Blue Mountains, the Wasatch Mountains, Pink Coral Sands, The Grand Canyon, Cave Dwellers... well, you get the idea. From the seat of the bike, it was beautiful.

When you are on a motorcycle, or any 2-wheeled vehicle for that matter, your senses are soooo much more heightened. You can smell everything, and colors seem to pop all around. But, I had no idea that sitting on my bike for that long would actually test my mental capacity as much as it did.

When I travel, I like to make it all about the "journey" - cheezy, I know. But what's the point of rushing to get somewhere and not enjoying the ride? Yet, that's what I did this time - I didn't stop to smell the roses, I sped through some beautiful scenery without pulling over to take it in. And when it was time to get back on the bike on day 3, I almost cried. I didn't want to ride anymore. I just wanted it to be over. But, there was no way around it, I had to keep going.

That's when I started thinking about that whole "mental toughness" thing. Being able to push yourself when you just want to stop is all about practice. I realized that even though its a completely different situation, mental toughness is still mental toughness. I think I've been waiting for the moment when things would just be easy... but that's not how life is. You have to constantly work at it and you have to PRACTICE being a stronger person. Just like with anything, if you expect to be better, you have to work at it.

So, this week has been all about "ah ha" moments. Life is supposed to be a little hard... but all that means is once you've conquered it, its gonna be so much more rewarding.