Times like these

OH, how I love the Northwest!! If ever there was a time when I needed to get out of AZ, get out of my head and just let lose, this was it. Okay, so maybe we got our asses handed to us in rugby, but the rest of the weekend was pretty damn awesome.

When your weekend starts off with a stylin, bright red, 4 door HHR, you know it's gonna be a good one. Although, we will still have to complain about the single cupholder in the back (sorry Macko!). Now, ending the weekend with missing car keys kind of sucked, but I did find them buried DEEP in the bottom of my bag, only after resorting to the hide-a-key first.

So, real fast, a quick recap of the game... we were down 0-7 at halftime against the 4th best team in the Nation. I should stop there, because that makes it sound like it wasn't too bad. BUT, we killed ourselves and let those damn Breakers score way too many points in the 2nd half. Final score... ugh... 33-0. Yeah, like I said, we got our asses handed to us.

But, I heart my rugby girls and my Seattle peeps. Big love to SherriPie for making the drive up from Portland to hang out a little. Big love to AmyWusse for her hospitality and all around greatness. Big love to Mongo for coming ALL THE WAY over to the westside to party with us and then drive me ALL THE WAY back to the eastside so we could party even more with ETP and Flowbee. Ending the weekend with Sunday football and bloody beers and sunsets at the beach was a perfectly lazy way to cap it off.

I am sad that I missed the big ORSU game in Portland on Sunday, and that I missed the new jersey honoring our beloved Babb... but, a 41-0 victory over the Valkyries tells me that OTD is back and playing their hearts out for Lindsay. GO JESTERS!

Every time I head up to Seattle it comes at a perfect moment in my life. A time when I need to be surrounded by my closest friends and bestest buddies. A time when I just need to laugh (a lot) and be reminded that life is fucking good.

Great people, great energy and great times. Thanks Seattle :)

It Starts Here.

I used to be a pretty happy go lucky kid. I used to laugh ALL the time, smile for no reason and make those around me laugh too. I was confident in who I was and didn't doubt my path. But recently, I've felt that slipping away from me. And I realized that the more I encounter deceitful people, the more the wind has been taken out of my sail.

I hate - emphasize HATE - being let down. Disappointment eats at my very core. And the worst disappointment, is when you truly believe, with every ounce of your being, that someone is a good person. You give them every benefit of the doubt, defend them to all the nay-sayers, and trust that they have only good intentions. And being a semi-untrusting person to begin with, makes all this even harder because I'm not one to let a whole lot of people in.

So, before its too late, I need to figure out how to turn this around! I have always been a big believer in the power of positive vibes. That if you think good thoughts, good things WILL happen. And I know that lately I've let myself get sidetracked by a lot of negative thoughts. Its so easy to get sucked into someone else's world and forget what makes YOU truly happy.

I think after major let downs in my life, I need to remind myself of all the great things I enjoy most. So, its back to ME (again). Back to reminding myself of all the things that make me really, really happy... like adventuring outdoors (well, once this damn triple digits weather goes away), and playing rugby with awesome peeps (old age and treachery baby!), and teaching my students every day how to be better people (along with some history and econ too), and going home to see my family (miss you guys!) and traveling (time to get out of the country again).

So, I'm sorry if I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but its so easy to forget these things when you let yourself get stuck in a moment. I hope the next blog is about my next big adventure... Baja 1000? Motorcycle trip to anywhere? SCUBA in Yelapa? Hiking Machu Pichu? RWC in New Zealand? Sure, why not!

Quotes for the day (courtesy of Rob & Big):

"I love it every time someone gets their heart full. "

Just Me...

Third Times a Charm...

Or is it "three strikes and you're out"...

As I mature (ahem), I consider myself to be more of a thinker these days... working smarter, not harder. You're supposed to get better with age, right? Like a fine wine just waiting to be uncorked and enjoyed. I'm learning from my mistakes but not being afraid to make more. You can't succeed unless you've failed a few times.

I've been fighting this for awhile now... wondering if I COULD do it. I know I have a lot to offer, I know that I am a worthy mate... but I didn't know if my mind and my body could handle the abuse. I don't like being hurt. I don't like dealing with the pain. BUT, if you're gonna do it, you just have to accept that these things are inevitable. And fighting through the pain is what makes the reward sooooo much better.

So, I decided last spring to come out of my third retirement. My third attempt at leaving the game I love was, yet again, an epic failure. I lasted 6 months this time (if you don't count the occasional b-side game and 7's matches)... my longest so far. But, much like other things in my life that I love with all my heart, I am finding it impossible to walk away.

And now, after 16 seasons, I'm back in the pack. Back playing with the big girls. Tackling girls twice my size... and running them over just as much. This doesn't bode well for my aging body. And it makes me wonder how long I'll be able to last if I'm in the thick of it 80 minutes a week. BUT, maybe I'll surprise myself. Maybe my body will love the opportunity to make big hit after big hit.

Its not like I'm gonna quit. I'm in this to win it. I'd love to end it on a high note... one more shot at a title. I don't want to look back and regret not abusing my body when I still had the opportunity. There's plenty of years left to coach, so for now, I play.

Old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill. AMEN.

Out There, For All The World To See

I was just reading back to past blogs and looking at a bunch of pics from the last few years... so much has happened that I hardly recognize myself sometimes. Its crazy to see how much I have grown and how much I've learned about myself, just by reading a few entries and seeing some old photos.

As much as this blog was supposed to be about my big adventures in life, its turned into more of a processing place for me. You all know that I'm an external processor... and that I put my life on display. You can criticize me for being too much out there, for sharing too much, but for me, its how I heal. Its how I figure out if I'm on the right path or not. There's never going to be a time when you question how I feel about you. If you're important to me, if you matter in my life, I'm going to tell you. I think its safe to say that there have never been secrets with me. What you see is what you get.

Now, I have been on some super fun adventures but I've also done a lot of awesome nothingness. As much as I love being out there, trekking around, seeing the world... I think I've realized that down time is almost just as good. I used to have to pack my life full, so that I didn't have the down time, because I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts. But lately, I'm realizing that I really like who I am and I like my thoughts. So, being alone with them, isn't the worst thing in the world.

And up until recently, I was convinced that you could always forgive, but never forget... I thought "I will not be a victim because I choose to tackle things head on. I don't let myself be blindsided"... what that really meant was "I'm on to you... and I'm waiting for the moment you lie to me or break my trust". By holding on to the hurts of the past and the betrayal, it only makes me a vulnerable to it again. So this time around, I'm thinking that a little lapse in memory isn't the worst thing. Because if you can forget the hurt, forget the pain, it'll open you up to the right person.

The sun is still shining.
The smiles are still here.
Life is still good.

October 2006...

To Today...

Everything is gonna be okay

"Don't cry because its over... Smile because it happened."

Simple, right?

I love Dr. Suess. Always have. I remember reading "Oh, the Places You'll Go", and realizing as an adult that this would be my mantra in life. But my favorite Dr. Suessism, is that quote... Right now, thems be some powerful words for me.

I think its easy for people (and by "people", I mean "me") to immediately throw a pity party when things don't work out the way you'd hoped. To go to that dark place and start thinking about all the things you should have said, or the things you could have done... but this time, I'm gonna go a different route. This time, I think so many positives came out of the all too familiar ending, that I can't look too hard on the negatives.

I've come to accept certain inevitabilities in life... and the more you come to terms with these things, the easier they are to deal with. I've said it many times before but I'll say it again... there is nothing wrong with putting yourself out and falling in love, even if it the feeling isn't returned. To know that you are capable of loving someone unconditionally and that even when things go really bad you can still find the good is a very powerful feeling.

So, rather then dwell, I'm thankful for the experience. Thankful that I've come one step closer to truly being happy with me. I wouldn't trade the feelings I felt this last few months for anything. To know what its like to feel safe and protected, to get butterflies from just a look, to be in comforting arms... no matter how fleeting the moment... those are the things I will cherish from this experience.

Life is what you make it and I plan on making the most out of it :)

Saying Goodbye...

Its been a few weeks since my last blog, and yet I still have not been able to find the right words. There is so much I want to say but I have been at a loss. I start to write something, but then erase, re think and find that nothing can quite express what I'm feeling.

So for now, let me just leave you with a thought -- the love that MY community, the rugby community, has shown says more than I could ever begin to start. We lost a good one, scratch that... a great one. And whether you knew her well or merely crossed paths with her, she touched your heart and warmed your soul.

Lindsay Babb, you will be missed terribly, but we will live on with your spirit and laughter guiding us...

Back where I belong :)

Here's how life works out...

As the school year was winding down and I was making my plans to get out of AZ for a few weeks, I realized I had to take that STUPID Arizona endorsement test to prove I could teach math (except, I already did that 5 years ago, in Oregon... yet AZ doesn't seem to think that's good enough). And another test to prove that I had the "professional knowledge" to teach (even though I have my Masters in Teaching and also passed Oregon's version of it 5 years ago). So, I had to push back my summer adventuring by a week. You have no idea how annoyed I was with this. I bitched and I moaned about having to stay another week in the 110 degree weather. Stupid AEPA.

But then, my favorite person was looking like they could come along with me on my road trip... so, I pushed back my plans by another couple weeks. This time, not annoyed, but super excited about having him along with me to share in the adventures together.

And in the time that I pushed back my plans, I took a little looksy on the Gilbert Public Schools website (after a tip that they were hiring). What I found was a ton of job openings... for math. Which, at this point, I had conceded to teaching indefinitely. So, I applied for about 15 math openings.

Then, I took a closer look at the Gilbert Learning Center... which isn't listed in the high schools. Its the alternative school for those who haven't been as successful in the main stream school system. Low and behold, what did I find? Yep, a World History opening. But, the job was closing at the end of the day. So I scrambled to fill out the application and probably made 100 mistakes along the way.

BUT, they called me back! And last Wednesday I had an interview. Wouldn't you know it, it was also the day I had to take my car into the shop, so my only mode of transportation was my motorcycle. Need I remind you that it was 110 degrees... well, I guess it was only 98 at the time of my interview, at 7 o'clock in the morning. But it was enough that with my black helment, I was soaked in sweat by the time I arrived for the interview. Um, not hot. But I guess my interview was off the hook because they loved me! And instead of waiting until Wednesday to tell me I got the job, they called me today to offer me the position...

And now you know what can SUCK IT?!?!? MATH. You know why? Because I am the new World History (and economics. eek.) teacher at Canyon Valley School in Gilbert, AZ (a mere 12 miles from my house). WOOHOO!!

So, fate, you got me again! If I had left when I originally planned, I would have never gotten the tip, never filled out the application, never gotten the interview... and would still be teaching math at Poston Butte way out in the boonies. Instead, I get 3 more weeks of summer break, I get to road trip with my man (and my dog :) and I'm back teaching where I belong.