Note to self...

I do believe its time for me to sit down and figure out what I REALLY want out my life. What is important to me? What is a deal breaker? What is an absolute must? Because, right now, I'm sort of shooting from the hip and going recklessly about certain aspects of my life. I need to refocus on what makes ME happy in life... then maybe I'll see if I can fit someone into it.

Its so funny how easy you can get caught up in a moment. Caught up in something you think is really good for you, something you think you want, something you think is right. Only to find out in the end, that it wasn't what you thought it was. I can do without the lies and disappointment. I know I sort of allowed myself to get sucked in to something I never really knew if I wanted or not. So, if its alright with you all, I'd like to call a mulligan on the last couple months.

Of course I shouldn't say I want a complete redo of the last 2 months because there was some positives that came out of this most recent experience. I learned that I am capable of trying something out that I thought in the past I would never do. I stopped pigeon-holing myself and I went outside of my own box (insert crude joke here)... And now I know that things can develop where you thought there was nothing. I discovered a very true and genuine friendship existed where I once thought it wasn't possible. And for that, I am especially thankful.

Last night I had a conversation with a good friend around the chimenea of truth and after lots of talk (and wine), I realized there are a few things that I know ALWAYS make me happy - good friends and whitty conversation, long bike rides along beautiful mountains, hiking remote trails to unbelievable water holes, road trips on my motorcycle, traveling the world and experiencing amazing things, rugby (yes, it still makes me incredibly happy) and my adorable nephews.

I think that's where I need to start. Never lose those sight of those things... because the moment I forget about those things, is the moment I lose sight of me. And next think you know, I'm looking for happiness from someone else -- I'm relying on another person to fulfill me. Stupid, right? Yeah, I know it is. So, this is where I start. Because in the end, I'm the only one who is going to make me happy.

So, here's my reminder of me doing the things I love and smiling the whole way through life...


Can you hang?!?!?

2009 Baja 1000... More Than Just a Race

I can't tell you how amazingly timed this years Baja 1000 was. If there was ever a time when I needed to get out of town and just enjoy life without all the hassles and drama and disappointments, this was it. Mexico does wonderful things for me, and when you couple it with a great group of people, then life doesn't get much better than this.

Start off with another victory for Dragonfire Racing. Car #1803 driven by Reid Nordin, Hans Waage, Todd Romano and Larry Roessler wins by a landslide! Larry let us take his pre-runner out to follow him down the coastline of the course. So, I jumped in with Reid and we ran the course behind Larry for about 50 miles. It was AWESOME! The coastline was beautiful and the ride was unbelievable. Thanks to Reid for letting me tag along and thanks to Larry for letting us take his ride out on the course!

There was a bit of drama though... but its the type of drama that goes with the territory. On Wednesday, the boys were headed out for a nice ride down to Ojos Negros, through Valle de Trinidad and would eventually end up at Mike's Sky Ranch, where we were going to stay the night. But, everything went terribly wrong just as they left Ojos Negros. Jack was in the lead and evidentially, kicked up a ton of dirt behind him... as Rasp came flying through at 70+ mph, he didn't see the barbed wire fence ahead of him. He slammed on his breaks, but it wasn't in time, his bike went down and he flew off, breaking his collarbone. Right behind him was Erik, who ended up going straight into a 4" x 4" fence post with his back. Kyle was also unable to stop, ran over Erik and ended up breaking both of his wrists. Gus was last to come in and ended up also running over Erik. Considering they had all ran into a barbed wire fence, we are so lucky that they only ended up with a couple broken bones.

Here's the deal - Rasp was supposed to race on Friday with Team 349x, but with the broken collar bone, it wasn't going to happen. Jeff decided to take over his leg. I'm beginning to think that Jeff is bad luck because 349x didn't make it past mile 40 before something blew on the bike. So, we decided it was time to get beers (at 9 am). The funny thing is, at 1 pm, word came over the radio that it was back in the race... oops. But, the scary thing is, at this point the trophy trucks are now on the course along with the Class I cars. There is now way Jeff, who has now had a half a dozen beers, should be riding over the summit with huge trucks barreling down on him. So, he opted out of the race. In the end, it was a great decision. 349x went through check at RM 101 but was never seen again. By the time we left the Baja Saturday night (24 hours later) they still hadn't found him.

So, we hung out at Borrego for most of the afternoon and caught all the action as the Trophy Trucks, Class I Cars, Motorcycles and Quads came flying through. There were helicopters buzzing over our heads that came so close to each other that I thought for sure they were going to crash. And they were so close to the ground, that you could feel the air from their blades.



After most the trucks came through, it was time to just chill and wait for the Dragonfire car to come through the check. As expected, it was blowing the rest of the cars in its class out of the water. Reid arrived around 7 pm at Borrego and turned the car over the Hans. Jack and I took of for the West Coast to meet the car at San Vincente. It was a 5 hour drive to get there and by the time we arrived it was freezing cold and we were exhausted. We grabbed our blankets and attempted to get a couple hours of sleep while we waited. Let me just tell you, that 2 people sleeping in the cab of a pick up truck is not the most comfortable thing in the world. But, we managed to get through and wake up just in time to make a coffee run before Reid came in. He turned the car over to Larry who brought it home...

So, that's my Baja story. You really do have to be there to understand how frickin awesome it is.

Gettin out of here!

Its Baja time again - back to the 1000. No Ironman riders this time, but good times will still be had. And let me tell you, this getaway could not have come at a better time. I am sooooo ready to get the heck out of here and leave it all behind me.

I've decided that a new outlook on life is in need. I need to rethink the way I've been going about things and consider other options. I recently learned that I am too strong willed. That my independence is intimidating. That I don't let people in enough and in the end, I just push them away. Hmmmm... maybe. Maybe I need to learn to be a little less opinionated and little more conforming. Maybe I need to learn to keep my mouth shut, smile and nod.

What defines you as a person? How do you become the person you are today? Recently, as in the past few years, I've been trying to redefine myself. Not "change" who I am per say, but break out the mold that has pigeon-holed me for so long. I've been known as stubborn, outspoken and "passionate". I think the last one is my favorite. That's what people call me when they're trying to be nice. Because we all know that "passionate" just means hot-headed. This is all true. I'll be the first to admit.

I don't like the way some people have defined me. I think they only see one side of me and therefore, they have made up their mind about who I am. But, that's only because I really don't want to let people see the softer side. SHOCKING, but there is a softer side inside this outspoken person. You just have to stick around long enough to see it.

Why would I just let you in without you proving to me that you're worth it? I've had too many people come and go in my life to know better than to just let you walk right on in. So, when you say you don't know me, thats because I don't want you to know me. I don't want you to see beyond the tough exterior I put out. You don't deserve it.

Does that sound a little angry? Sure it does. Do I care? Not really. That doesn't mean I don't care about YOU, it just means you're going to have to be a pretty outstanding person to see who I am behind the wall. So, go on thinking that I'll kick your ass if you step out of line (even though I've never been in a fight) and go on thinking that I'm too strong-willed (even though my tenacity is usually aimed at protecting YOUR rights) and please, please think that I'm too independent (even though I've been taking care of myself since well before any of you could even imagine).

I can be better person (EVERY ONE can be a better person) and I can learn to think a little more before I react. I like me, but that doesn't mean I'm not willing to take a step back and improve on me. But, do you get to critique me? Only if you really know me.